Still going...

I made it through the weekend! Just a few more days until Thursday and I'll be 33 weeks. Then one more week after that, and hoping to go home! I've been in the hospital for almost five weeks, and the stress of it on Phil and Allison is beginning to show. He is weary, his patience is growing thin. Allison has inconsolable screaming fits some days. We are really ready to be a family in the same house again. Pray for endurance in these last weeks...oh, and that I'll still stay pregnant!

That's the way the cookie crumbles

I just received a giant tin of Mrs. Field's mini-cookies sent from my dear minister friends (thanks, Spirited Charlenes!). My hospital room has gotten the reputation of being the one with all the sweets because friends keep bringing cookies and brownies--not only for me, but also to share with the staff. "Nurse bribes," as one friend called them, "so they'll take good care of you." Normally I just eat a couple, but I confess I've just eaten 6! Eating my emotions, you ask? No, they're just really delicious!

However, I was hoping to report today that I was still stable and being released from the hospital. Unfortunately, my sonogram this morning showed a pretty major change--my cervix is now almost completely effaced and I am 1-2 cm dilated. Basically, my body is holding these babies in by a thread! Sooooo, the waiting game continues. My OB isn't confident I'll make it two more weeks to 34 weeks. She said, "Let's just try to make it through the weekend!" But if I do go into labor, they will still do all they can to stop it, including putting me on the dreaded Magnesium. Needless to say, I am standing up as little as possible! Don't worry, if anything happens, we will update our blog. In the meanwhile, I'm still in my grand suite of Hoblitzelle 313 at Baylor. Feel free to call or visit!

The good news is, I made it to 32 weeks, which is still great. AND, the babies are both head down, which means if they stay that way, I may not have to have a c-section! I'm really praying they stay that way! Actually, the babies are "oblique", which means they are sort of lying diagonally. That explains why the left side of my belly bulges out more than the other. Did I tell you that we have names? Bailey and Bennett. Now we can pray for them by name. Both babies are about 4 pounds each...way to go babies! Guess I better go eat more cookies...

Choo Choo!

Advent Reflections

Advent means coming. In the church calendar, it is the four weeks before Christmas when we are invited to slow down and prepare our hearts for the coming of our Lord. The last few years, I have been really challenged to resist our consumeristic culture and the pressure to buy "stuff" for Christmas. To be honest, I haven't been completely successful. But I found this cool site the other day of others who are also trying to make Advent and Christmas more meaningful this year by keeping the focus on Christ. Their challenge is for me and you to buy one less gift this year and give that money to those in need. And rather than just buying more stuff for our family and friends, they ask us to consider giving relational gifts--the gift of our time. Check out Advent Conspiracy! Below is something I wrote for an Advent devotional. I hope that you will take time this Advent to truly prepare your heart for Jesus.

“He reached down from on high, he took me; he drew me out of mighty waters…He brought me out into a broad place; he delivered me, because he delighted in me.” Psalm 18:16, 19

Advent is about waiting. I admit I am not good at waiting. I am a very impatient person. When a car in front of me is driving below the speed limit, or the check-out line at the grocery store is stalled because of a price check, I get frustrated. Having to wait seems to be a waste of my time. But the season of Advent reminds me that in God’s kingdom, waiting is a holy practice.

There are many times in life when we have to wait, not knowing the outcome of our waiting. As I enter this Advent on unexpected bedrest, I am uncertain if my babies will be born early and face health risks. Others may be in a time of waiting because a diagnosis for a serious illness was given, a job was lost, a relationship was hurt, or because the economy turned sour. Like the psalmist, we may feel like we are drowning in mighty waters, wondering how long we have to wait until we are rescued from our situation.

It is not the waiting that is holy, but how we wait. Advent reminds us that we have a Savior who came down from heaven to deliver us from sin. But because we still live in a world that is full of evil, we are waiting and trusting that Jesus will come again in final victory to rescue us once and for all. We can wait with hope, putting our faith in the One who promises to bring us out into a broad place because he delights in us.

This kind of waiting—with hope and expectation that God will keep his promises—teaches us patience. It tests our faith. It spurs us on to work toward the vision of God’s future kingdom. Most of all, it grows our love for our Savior who is with us in the midst of our waiting. This Advent, practice holy waiting. Instead of impatience and frustration, wait with hope and expectation, trusting in the Lord, our rock, our fortress, our deliverer, our God in whom we take refuge!

31 Weeks and Counting...

I'm still here in the hospital, still pregnant! Thanksgiving Day marked 31 weeks of pregnancy...praise God!

I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving and had much to be grateful for this year. Phil's mom and sister came to Dallas last weekend to celebrate an early Thanksgiving with us. It was wonderful to see them and to have Allison get to know them better. Phil got his new grill that weekend also, so they had a scrumptious meal of steak, salmon, and crab. I'm sure they were thinking of me in the hospital when they were chowing down!

On Thanksgiving, I had hospital food turkey for lunch. If you didn't know, hospital food is not the greatest. But even so, every meal I have here, I truly give thanks, because I know there are lots of people who don't have food to eat. Some of those people are right outside my window, around the corner. Baylor is in downtown Dallas, and there are more than a few homeless folks walking the streets, wondering where their next meal is going to come from. So I don't take for granted the abundance of food available to me. My mom and dad cooked a Korean rib feast and brought it up to the hospital on Thursday night. Sarah, Jun, Gracie, Phil, and Allison came to join in on our non-traditional Thanksgiving dinner (they had already had turkey and all the trimmings for lunch)!

Things with me are the same, but I'm really longing to go home. Only three more weeks until I'm 34 weeks, and although it feels like an eternity, I am hopeful because my doctor said I could go home then. Just in time for Christmas! Phil and I took a tour of the NICU yesterday and saw the tiniest babies on ventilators. So sad! Thankfully our babies won't be that small, but it made me even more determined to pray that they make it to at least 34 weeks before they are born. What a miracle and gift if they didn't have to spend any time in the NICU at all! Thanks for reading along and praying with us on this journey!

Belly Pics

I kept meaning to take some pictures of me pregnant with the twins, but sadly, I never got around to it. My friend Andrea was so kind to snap some shots of me and Allison when she came to the hospital to visit last week. Allison loves to pat my belly and hug the babies. Here I am at 29 weeks!

30 Weeks, 1 Day

I meant to post yesterday, but I couldn't connect to the internet at the hospital...that made for a long day!

Yesterday marked my 30th week of pregnancy, and I had my weekly sonogram to see the babies and check my cervical length. The babies are doing well and are very active. Twin B, the boy, is head down, while Twin A, his sister, is still breech. Still praying that both will turn head down! Already I'm detecting hints of their personalities. Our son seems to be laid back, just like his daddy. His heart rate is usually a few beats slower than hers, and on more than one occasion, the nurses have wanted me to drink something sweet to "wake him up" so that they can see he has good movement. Let's hope this little boy is a good sleeper!

Little Miss, on the other hand, is a bit fiesty, just like her older sister Allison. It must be the girls in our family! She kicks me the most, and each day when it's time to put them on the monitor for 20-30 minutes, the nurses have learned that she's the difficult one. They can usually find her heartbeat easily, but she's such a wiggle worm that they often have to come back and find it again because she has moved. Oh, Lord help us!

As for me, there has not been much change from last week, which is good because the doctor considers me "stable." I did see on the sonogram that my cervix is funneling a lot, which I didn't realize before. They did another fetal fibronectin test and I was so hopeful it was negative. The FFN test, if negative, gives me a 95% chance that I won't go into labor in the next two weeks. If positive, it's not that helpful, because I may or may NOT go into labor, plus sometimes it can be a false positive. Unfortunately, my FFN test came back positive. That means I'm definitely staying in the hospital. My OB said she was not surprised, but she was hopeful that I'd make it for two more weeks, at least.

Join us in praying that I stay pregnant for two more weeks, and then two more weeks after that. If I make it to 34 weeks, my doctor is considering letting me go home!!

The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire!

New Room

I've moved! I wish I had moved back home, but alas, it was just down the hall. My nurse came in this morning and said there were a couple of bigger rooms available with refrigerators. I was then allowed to get in a wheelchair and see these rooms to choose which one I wanted. Hilarious. And even more so that I was excited to take a tour of the hallways! The rooms were indeed larger, and I figured it would be nice to have more space for Allison to run around when she comes to visit. So now I'm in the deluxe suite of Hoblitzelle Room 313, with my own refrigerator and two windows! The only downside is, this means I'm going to be here a while.

Grace Upon Grace

Today marks Day 11 of my hospital stay. I can't believe I've been here this long. Truth be told, I haven't been as bored as I thought I would be. It's amazing how much time you can kill surfing the web. I miss Allison terribly and had hoped that I could spend lots of quality time with her while it was JUST her. Life will soon change as we become a family of five. So, instead, I'm trying to use my time in the hospital getting to know these two tiny babies growing inside of me. Every kick, every ultrasound, I get to see a little bit of what their personalities are going to be like.

Today I am feeling overwhelmingly grateful. Actually, that is how I have felt every day since being put on bedrest. So many people have stepped up and cared for me, Phil, and Allison--through providing meals, sending cards/emails, calling, and praying. I have had friends visit me in the hospital and bring delicious food from the "outside" as well as homebaked sweets. My room is filled with bright flowers. Yesterday, a dear friend drove all the way from College Station to visit, and she brought me a huge box of boy clothes (Thanks, Andrea!)

From Christ's fullness, we have received grace upon grace--one blessing piled upon another (John 1:16). So thank you to everyone who has drenched me with grace.

There are three people, though, that I want to particularly acknowledge. First is my wonderful husband Phil. Even with the stress of medical school, he has joyfully prioritized his responsibility as a Dad. Though he may not always dress Allison in the most coordinated outfits, he is taking great care of her in my absence! Feeding, bathing, putting to sleep, playing, caring for her while she's been sick, doing laundry--it's a huge job being a single parent. Thank you honey for all that you're doing. You are an awesome father! I love you.

Second, our friends, Russell and Laura. Russell is the music minister at our church and he has been driving Allison to (and sometimes from) her preschool, three days a week. Laura has been watching Allison all day on Mondays and Russell has been watching her all day on Fridays (his day off). Phil has been dropping Allison off at their house at 7 a.m. every day, and he picks her up again around 5:30 when he's done with school. When I was on bedrest at home, Laura drove me to my doctor's appointments in Dallas. She was with me when I was admitted to the hospital. Russell brought Allison and his one-year-old son up to the hospital to visit because he knew I had not seen Allison. And this past Friday, they discovered that Allison had an ear infection, so Russell drove her all the way to Dallas to her pediatrician (at least 30-45 minutes away) and then brought her to the hospital again since I had not seen her all week. Such amazing friends! I am so much more at ease knowing there are great people taking care of my little girl. Thanks, Russell and Laura. You know there are no words to express our gratitude to you for loving Allison like your own!

And finally, my sister. There is too much to list that Sarah has done for us. She has come over to our house to clear out the twins' room and set up their cribs (which she and Jun bought for us). She cleaned and organized our house. She and Jun have taken care of Allison on the weekends so Phil can have time to study. Allison LOVES her Aunt "Ssssss". Sarah has spoiled me rotten--Not only has she come most often to the hospital to visit (always with goodies in hand, like Starbucks!), she sent over someone to give me a massage and then yesterday, another person to give me a manicure and pedicure!! Sarah, you are the best friend and sister a girl could ask for. I cannot thank you enough for everything you do for me. I pray Allison and her little sister will have the bond that you and I have, and I am so SO overjoyed that you are their precious Aunt.

Thursday's sonogram showed that my cervix was about the same--it had not shortened, but it didn't lengthen significantly either. At least I'm stable, but they're not releasing me to go home. So I guess I'll hunker down and get cozy in my new home, Hoblitzelle 304. I will choose each day to be grateful because it means it's one more day that I'm pregnant. And I will praise God that he is piling on me, grace upon abundant grace. I am beyond blessed.

One Week

It's Wednesday, and that means I've survived being in the hospital for one week. Tomorrow, the babies will be 29 weeks old! I'll have another sonogram where they'll measure my cervix and see if there is any change. Hopefully any change will be for the better, not worse!

I asked the resident who came to see me what the difference was between being on bedrest at the hospital versus at home. He confessed there wasn't much difference, but they feel more comfortable keeping a close eye on me just in case I were to go into labor, so they would have a chance to stop it. Dr. Romberg is especially cautious because, as she says, my labor with Allison was "precipitous." I don't think I ever got around to blogging my experience with her delivery, so here it is:

At about 6:30 on Wednesday morning, June 13, 2007, I was awakened by a strange "popping" sensation. It felt like an enormous kick from the baby. I got up to use the bathroom and wondered if my water had broken. Not noticing any particular gushing, I went back to sleep. I woke up 30 or 45 minutes later and realized I was having some contractions. Maybe this is the beginning of labor, I thought. I told Phil, "I think we might be having a baby either late today or tomorrow." He didn't seem too ruffled but said, "I really hope she comes today. It would work out best for my schedule." He had a big test coming up and had been worried he might have to miss it. I called my doula to let her know that I thought I might be at the beginning of labor. She told me this could go on for a while and to call and check in with her every three hours.

It was the Wednesday before Allison's due date, so I had expected to have another week for last minute preparations. I was completely unready! So I immediately threw in a load of baby clothes in the laundry. Hmm, the contractions were getting stronger, and I wondered if I should call my doula again. I started to pack a bag for the hospital and I jumped in the shower. By this point, the contractions were taking my breath away and I had to stop and try to breathe through them. I called my doula again and she said she didn't think I was in active labor yet because even though I was out of breath, I was still able to talk/carry on a conversation with her. She told me she'd come over in about an hour to check on me. So I kept running around the house getting things ready, stopping more frequently to breathe through contractions. We were staying with my sister last summer while Phil was in school, and that morning her husband (a doctor) happened to be home because he had a 1/2 day off. He saw me downstairs doubled over from a contraction and started counting how far apart they were...about 3-4 minutes, maybe 2. He could tell I was in pain and said I should probably call the doctor.

Jun went upstairs to tell Phil to call, and Phil asked, "Why? Doesn't she have a while?" The ob's office told us to go to Maternity Observation at Baylor. Jun said he'd wait for the doula to get to their house so he could tell her we had already gone to the hospital. Then he planned on making his way down there as well, but he said, "Unless it's the fastest delivery in the world, it will probably be another hour or so till you deliver." By the time we were in the car on the way to the hospital, I was really in pain, sweating, and had the urge to push. With a panicked look Phil said, "Don't push! Hold that baby in!" He tried to hold my hand or pat me on the back for support and I said, "Don't touch me!! Drive faster!"

It was the classic movie scene: Our car came careening around the circle drive in front of the hospital entrance. I don't remember Phil parking the car, but I could hardly get out of the car and walk to Maternity Observation. They took one look at me and said, "She's obviously in pain. Go straight across the hall to Labor and Delivery." They had to push me in a wheelchair just the few yards through the double doors and into a room. I was thinking, "If this is just the beginning of labor, I think I'm going to need an epidural." It was probably around 9:30 a.m. or so.

I barely got on the bed, the nurse checked me and said, "You're fully dilated and ready to push." Everything was happening so fast, Phil was in shock and he joked, "So I guess it's too late for an epidural???" The nurse kinda laughed and said, "She's having the baby right now." Thankfully my midwife Susan was just down the hall with another patient who was laboring. Just about the time that she walked into the room and had me start pushing, my doula appeared. She stood by Phil and patted him on the back and reassured him while he was watching me struggle through the pain. I don't know how long I pushed, but it wasn't very long, and the next thing we know, at 10:02 a.m., we heard the first cries of our newborn daughter. They wrapped her up and placed her on my belly, and when Phil got his first gaze at her, he cried. Then he got to do the honors and cut her umbilical cord. He was still in shock and kept saying, "What the heck just happened?" He called Jun to let him know we just had a baby and to ask him to bring a camera, since we had forgotten it in our haste. Jun was surprised, as well as our midwife, doula, and nurses, at how fast my labor and delivery was. It wasn't until AFTER I had Allison that they officially admitted me into the hospital!

So you can see why my doctor now is a bit concerned about me going into labor. We can't wait to meet you sweet babies--just not yet!!

In the hospital

I haven't posted much about this pregnancy just because it has gone by so fast and life with a toddler keeps me busy! But I just wanted to update you on my current situation and ask for prayers for me and the twins.

On Wednesday, I went to my routine ob appointment and they measured my cervix as they have been doing for the past month. It had shortened from two weeks ago to the point that my doctor sent me straight down to labor and delivery and had me admitted to the hospital. They put me on magnesium, a drug that stops contractions but makes you really sick. Didn't realize it, but this is what they consider pre-term labor!

I am now on the antepartum floor of Baylor Hospital in Dallas (Hoblitzelle 304, if you want to come visit!). There are a lot of women here who are in the same boat as me. I was hoping they'd let me go home on Monday, but today's sonogram showed that in spite of the medicine, my cervix continued to shorten from even two days ago. The doctor's comment to me: "It looks like you'll be here a while."

I know this is for the best...we want these babies to stay put a few more weeks longer, preferably to 36 weeks. I'm only 28 weeks now. But it's really hard to be here at the hospital when Phil and Allison are at home and I'm worried about who is going to take care of Allison when Phil's at school all day. Our church has been wonderful, but it has been hard for me to receive/ask for help. Now it looks like we're going to be in this for the long haul. What can we do but be humbly grateful for everyone who has helped us thus far and who continue to be there for us?

Please pray for my body to keep these babies inside. Every day and week counts for their health. And pray for Phil and Allison, too. It's been difficult for them as well.